PROSE

Unfiltered ramblings.

New Sock

Yesterday I found a brand new, unused, never worn sock in my sock drawer.

So now I have one silky-fresh, super-snug sock. And 11 dumpy, loose socks with fuzzy insides that tickle my feet while driving, causing me to put the car in park at stoplights and itch my foot but then the light turns green and I panic. "Want me to drive?" "No it's fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine."

Is this an analogy for life? A symbol of something special? Does this happen to everyone, or just me? And why should one foot feel luxurious while the other foot feels unluxurious?

Dr. Nazos

Dr. Nazos is the name of the doctor who delivered me. I was part of a very complicated pregnancy. If it weren’t for him, I might not exist. Dr. Nazos shot his wife, then shot and killed himself. She lived and took over his practice.

Panties
I was doing laundry at the laundromat at 109th and Amsterdam. All the dryers were taken, but this woman ended her cycle 4 minutes early, took out her clothes, and let me use it. “Thank you.” I said. She smiled and nodded.

As I got my dry clothes out of the dryer, there they were. Her black Hanes Jockey panties. I tossed them on top of the soap dispenser.

If I see her again next Saturday, I’ll tell her, “I put your panties on top of the soap dispenser.”

Chicken Noodle Soup

In 4th grade we had a substitute teacher named Mrs. Chignoli. We used to call her Mrs. Chicken Noodle Soup. We even called her this to her face. Which, thinking about it now, was really mean. Now, every time I eat chicken noodle soup, I think about Mrs. Chicken Noodle Soup.

Another Dream

Alyssa Milano serving me pecan pie
after pecan pie
after pecan pie.

The mini ones in the tin that live in vending machines.
And glasses of vitamin D milk with vitamin D milk cubes to keep the milk cold without it getting watery.

Bachata

My mom always tells me to make sure the windshield wiper fluid is full in my car. Every long trip she says, "Nathan, windshield wiper fluid," and I've always ignored her. Today, I tried to use my windshield wiper fluid and nothing came out. So I drove to the gas station and bought the last gallon of windshield wiper fluid on the shelf.

And the cashier smiled at me while listening to Bachata.
And her 6-month old daughter smiled at me while listening to Bachata.
And the cashier said to me, "She likes the music."
And I said to her, "Pretty soon she'll be dancing."

Spit

Why is it wrong for me to spit on the sidewalk when birds shit on it constantly?

Poodle

I saw one of the saddest things today. A white poodle with clear plastic wrap, wrapped to its legs so they wouldn't get dirty.

Shockoe Espresso

I went to Shockoe Espresso just 5 minutes ago. And this guy with an 80s style black leather jacket with chains is standing there with his really attractive girlfriend. They both leave and the guy says to the cashier, “Hey I hope your leg feels better!”

And she looked at him while she was pouring my iced coffee and said, “Yeah, see you later!”

Then she hobbled over to the register, looked at me and said, “Don’t you love it when you haven’t seen your ex-boyfriend in 2 and a half years, and you’re working at a coffee shop?”

And I looked at her, paid for my coffee, and said the only thing I could think of - “Yeah it’s pretty awesome.”

Groceries

I was standing in line at the corner grocery store called D’Agostino’s tonight when a guy behind me tried to cut.

Me - “Hey I’m in line”

Him - “Move that cart out of the way then”

Me - “It’s not my cart”

I showed him my one item, a 20 oz. Gatorade Fierce Melon.

He got the cart and pushed it out of his way, but into the ways of others. Which was rude but I didn’t say anything. Big dude.