Unedited ramblings from times spent in Richmond, NYC and Chicago.


Band Names

Here is a list of band names I've come up with. 

If you would like to use one for your awesome band, please let me know and we can arrange compensation. 


  • Real Aluminum Bodies
  • Goodbye Chinatown
  • Attaboy
  • Crew Cut Tequila
  • The Height of Hags
  • The Sunday Uglies
  • Action Water Mist
  • Potato Down
  • Abra Babra
  • Those Powerful Nords
  • Dead End Orr

Chicken Noodle Soup

In 4th grade we had a substitute teacher. Her name was Mrs. Chignoli. 

We used to call her Mrs. Chicken Noodle Soup. We even called her this to her face. 

Which thinking about it now, was really mean. 

And every time I eat chicken noodle soup, I think about Mrs. Chicken Noodle Soup. 



Another Dream

Alyssa Milano serving me pecan pie

after pecan pie

after pecan pie.


The mini ones in the tin

that live in vending machines.


And glasses of vitamin D milk, 

with vitamin D milk cubes

to keep the milk cold without getting it watery. 



Bachata 

My mom always tells me to make sure the windshield wiper fluid is full in my car. Every long trip she says, “Nathan, windshield wiper fluid,” and I’ve always ignored her. 


Today I tried to use my windshield wiper fluid and nothing came out. So I drove to the gas station and bought the last gallon of windshield wiper fluid on the shelf. 


And the cashier smiled at me while listening to Bachata. 


And her 6-month old daughter smiled at me while listening to Bachata. 


And the cashier said to me, “She likes the music.”


And I said to her, “Pretty soon she’ll be dancing.”



Poodle

I saw one of the saddest things today. 


A white poodle. 


With clear plastic wrap taped to its legs so they wouldn’t get dirty. 



Torture

Sometimes when I have trouble thinning, I torture myself. 

For example, it’s about 30 degrees today in downtown Richmond. I decided to walk to the coffee shop with my wool pea coat completely unbuttoned. Yes it was cold. Yes I was able to button my coat (but not all the way because the top button is missing).


Then, at the coffee shop I got an iced coffee. To torture myself, I added no milk or cream and no sugar. I then went outside the coffee shop and drank my bitter iced coffee in the 30 degree weather with my pea coat totally unbuttoned. I finished, went back in for a refill, again neglected the cream and sugar, and walked back to school with my coat still unbuttoned. 


Other things I sometimes do to torture myself:

- leave a lit cigarette in my working area

- put my watch on one notch too tight

- go without glasses or contacts (I wear a light prescription)

- listen to my favorite song over and over until I hate it

- wear a wool sweater without an undershirt



Foster Ave Beach last Wednesday or Thursday afternoon

A fly was biting my ankles for the past twenty minutes as I was trying to read my book. The kind of biting that you can get used to but still bothers you. Kind of like a baby crying in the background of the grocery store. You want to do something about it, but it’s not that worth it, but you still think about it. And it makes you crazy. So I put my book down face down on the beach and decided to watch people jog. 



Dr. Nazos

Dr. Nazos is the name of the doctor who delivered me. I was part of a very complicated pregnancy. If it weren’t for him, I might not exist. Dr. Nazos shot his wife, then shot and killed himself. She lived.



Shockoe

I went to Shockoe Espresso just 5 minutes ago. And this guy with an 80s style black leather jacket with chains is standing with his thin attractive girlfriend. They both leave and the guy says to the cashier, “Hey I hope your legs feels better!”


And she looked at him while she was pouring my iced coffee and said, “Yeah, see you later!” 


Then she hobbled over to the register, looked at me and said, “Don’t you love it when you haven’t seen your ex-boyfriend in 2 and a half years, and you’re working at a coffee shop?”


And I looked at her, paid for my coffee, and said the only thing I could think of - “Yeah it’s pretty awesome.”



Panties

I was doing laundry at the laundromat at 109th and Amsterdam. All the dryers were taken, but this woman ended her cycle 4 minutes early, took out her clothes, and let me use it. “Thank you.” I said. She smiled and nodded. 


As I got my dry clothes out of the dryer, there they were. Her black Hanes Jockey panties. I tossed them on top of the soap dispenser. 


If I see her again next Saturday, I’ll tell her, “Your panties are on top of the soap dispenser.”



Groceries

I was standing in line at the corner grocery store called D’Agostino’s tonight when a guy behind me tried to cut. 


Me - “Hey I’m in line.”

Him - “Move that cart out of the way then.”

Me - “It’s not my cart.”


I showed him my one item, which was a 20 oz. Gatorade Fierce Melon. Then he got the cart and pushed it out of his way, but into the ways of others. Which was rude but I didn’t say anything. Big dude. 


So I’m paying for my Gatorade when I look on the conveyer belt to see what he was getting. 


Two 12 oz bottles of O’doul’s and a box of Meow Mix. 



Spit

Why is it wrong for me to spit on the sidewalk when birds shit on it constantly?